It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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