I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
