my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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