the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
