The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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