I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
