they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
