When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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