the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
