i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
