She's JV to your varsity
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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