i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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