Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
