I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
