I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
