you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
