He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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