That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
