ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just cropdusted the office
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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