she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
