i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Randomize
