i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
