So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
