You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
