everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
