Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
