Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
