Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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