There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize