He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
