either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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