Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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