walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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