I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
time to smoke my breakfast
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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