i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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