turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
