So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
