the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
