I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
