so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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