there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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