I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Girls should come with a carfax report
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
