you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So much rum. So many feels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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