apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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