i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
