Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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