Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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