buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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