your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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