he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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