Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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