once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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