So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
