meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
