I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
