I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
