k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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